A neutron walks into a store. He buys a soda.

Neutron: What's the charge?
Cashier: You have no charge.

Brenda, age 11, USA

There are three brothers: Nothing, Nobody and Stupid. One day, Nothing jumps from the 5th floor and Nobody sees him.
Nobody goes to Stupid and says, "I've just seen Nothing jumping from the 5th floor!"
Stupid calls the police, "Please help! Nothing jumped from the 5th floor and Nobody saw him."
Policeman, "Are you mad?"
Stupid, "No, I'm Stupid."

Joyce, age 13, Australia
Neka, age 11, America

There was a man and a kid. The kid wanted 5 dollars and the man said no. They kept arguing for hours. "One last time," said the kid, "can I have 5 dollars."
The man said, "No, I only have a dollar."

Jon, age 11, USA

There were two garden snakes. One was a boy and the other was his mom. The little boy snake asked, "Am I a poisonous snake?"
The mom says, "No, why?"
The boy snake answers, "Because I just bit my tongue!"

Nicolette, age 13, USA

A person is eating, then their Mom walks up and says, "What are you eating under there?"
Then the kid says, "Under where?"
And the mom says "Eww!"

Joel, age 8, USA

One day little Johnny says to his father: I want to get married.
Father: Oh, so do you have someone special in your mind?
Johnny: Yes, ... Grandma.
Father: What? There is a problem now, you want to marry my mother?
Johnny: Why not? You married my mother!

Tommy, age 11, USA

A computer nerd waits on the sidewalk for the cars to go by. A green frog jumps to him and says, "Just kiss me and I will turn into a pretty princess and love you forever." The nerd smiles and pockets the frog. The frog says, "Hello? Did you here me? Pretty princess? Forever?"
The nerd says, "Look, I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Nic, age 11, Australia

Two girls were swimming in a lake. A farmer comes by with a bucket filled with fresh fruit.The girls yells, "We are not coming out until you go away!"
The farmer smiles and raises his bucket and says, "Don't mind me, I'm just here to feed the gators."

Nic, age 11, Australia

A mother snail meets a policeman snail and says, "Please, I have lost my son. He was eating chocolate right here."
The policeman looks at the chocolate bar on the floor and says, "Don't worry, ma'am, he left a trail."

Nic, age 11, Australia

Joan told her daughter Jane to write down the full house address. Jane wrote the street name down, but could not remember the house number. In anger, Joan said, "How will the firefighters know where to go when your house is on fire?"
Jane had a plan, "I will tell them to go to Baynes Street and look for the house on fire."

Nic, age 11, Australia

There once was a group of aliens. One could only say, "forks and knives, forks and knives." The other could only say, "yes, yes, yes" and the other could only say, "plug it in plug it in. "

One day they were stopped by a policeman who asked, "Did you kill this man?"
One of the aliens answered, "Yes, yes, yes."
"How did you kill him," asked the officer.
"Fork and knives, forks and knives," the alien answered.
The police officer saw rather dismayed and responded, "This will be the electric chair for you."
To which the alien responded, "Plug it in, plug it in."

Bailey, age 10, USA

A boy gets a dollar from his dad. His dad says he has to go out and come back with more than what he left with. He goes and someone comes up to him and says I'll trade you 2 quarters for a dollar. He says okay. He goes home and the dad says you were supposed to bring more back. The son said he did, two is more than one.

Kady, age 11, USA

"Mum, can I have a dollar for the man who is crying outside?"
"What's the man crying about?"
"He's crying, 'Hot dogs for one dollar!'"

Luke, age 10, Australia

My dad was coming back from the store when a pig ran out into the middle of the road. My dad got out and looked under the car but nothing was there. Later that night, a policeman came to our house and asked my dad if he ran over a pig. My dad asked the police man how he knew. The officer replied, "The pig squealed!"

GF, age 13, USA

Little Michelle was sitting in the living room when she asked her mother, "Where do we get honey?"
Her mother replied, "From honey bees"

The next day the butter was all gone so her mother was worried, "Oh dear, where can we get some butter, all the shops are closed?"
Michelle replied, "I know mother, from the butter fly."

Spandana, age 11, Kuwait

"I'm sorry, but I left a sponge in you when I operated last week," said the surgeon.
"Oh, I wondered why I was feeling so thirsty," replied the patient.

Lamya, age 9, India

A boy says to his teacher; Can I go to the washroom?
His teacher says: Please recite the alphabet.
The boy says: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z.
The teacher says: Where's the P?
The boy answers: Running down my legs!

Niamh, age 8, England

Mom: Mike, it's time to go to school.
Mike: I don't want to go, the kids will make fun of me.
Mom: Why?
Mike: Because I'm too tall.
Mom: Well you have to go to school Mike, you're the principal!

Rimsha, age 7, USA

"Do you see that snobbish Mrs. Featherstone Mainwaring?" Asked Alec's mother. "Why does she always walk around with her nose in the air?"
"I know," said Alec. "So she can't smell that horrible perfume she wears."

Lamya, age 9, India

One bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other
The deaf policemen heard the noise and came to arrest the two dead boys
If you don't believe this lie is true
Ask the blind man he saw it, too!

Jenna, age 10, USA

Rules for writing paragraphs:

1. Make shoore all words are spelled correctly.
2. Reread it to make sure didn't leave any words out.
3. Look in an encyclopedia to be certain the words are spelled correctly.

Gabe, age 9, USA

Friend One: Have you heard the joke about the bed yet?
Friend Two: No.
Friend One: That's because it wasn't made up yet!

KK, age 11, America

There were two muffins in a oven. The first muffin said to the other muffin, "Ah, is it ever hot in here".
And the other muffin says, "AHH, a talking muffin!

Jeremya, age 9, Canada

A man escaped from jail by digging a hole from his cell to the outside world. When his work was finally done, he came out of his tunnel in the middle of a school playground. He began shouting, "I'm free, I'm free!"
"So what," said the little girl who was ridding her tricycle, "I'm four!"

Jordan, age 12, USA

There was a doctor and a patient.
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: I guess I will take the bad news first.
Doctor: Okay, the bad news is you are going to die in 24 hours.
Patient: If that's the bad news what's the very bad news.
Doctor: The very bad news is I have been trying to reach you since yesterday.

Peyton, age 13, USA

Once a dime and a nickel were crossing the road. The nickel got hit by a car but the dime didn't because it had more cents!

Terri, age 11, USA